Friendship: When it Becomes Toxic
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How Can We Recognize, When it's Doing Us More Harm then good?
There are some people who do a very good job of telling us what a great person they are. They usually are feeling needy of attention because they've been through something, that by their standards, is earth shattering. They will convince you of this. Since they told you how much they care about you, how they would do anything for you, how they would always be there for you, you are there for them. Time will go by where, they will become more "subtly" needy. It might not be too obvious at first, and will be hard to recognze at first. And, after all, you don't mind being there for them, weather it be financially, or emotionally, because they're such a good person...or at least that's what they constantly tell you. And you're convinced of this. We can become convinced of this, because at times you both have fun together. They are giving us something that we need...or at least we feel that way at the moment.
But are they really always there for us when we need them? Or, are they only there when it's convenient for them? (and I don't mean when their working or attending to their kids) If that. It can be hard to recognize, especially from the more seasoned, manipulative, needy beings. And by the way, anyone can be this way. From the more simple minded to those with more depth. I don't think they are conscious of the extent of it, but either way, there will come a time where you will feel, not so good about the friendship. Maybe you can't figure out why, at first. But, if you find yourself suddenly looking for any excuse to avoid, them, or even talk to them. Yet you're still communicating with your other friends, and they're beginning to sense something, then it might be time to ask yourself if it's them. Are they really always there for you? Have they done anything even slightly out of their way to be there for you? Are they starting to bring you down in some way? Maybe it's time to let the friendship go. (?) It's not as dificult as you may think. But it may be time to walk away from the friendship if it's become emotionally unhealthy, or toxic.
Emotional health is equally as important as physical health.
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There are so many ways people (friends, co-workers, whatever) can be toxic - and as you point out, it can sneak up on us. Very good points in your hub. Voted up and useful.
Hi Susan,
True, everything you said. I think we've all been involved with those friendships at oe time or an other.
It's such a relief, at least it was for me, to free myself of it. I guess when we start to feel as if we have an other child, instead of a friend, is when it's time to evacuate. (Barring any extenuating circumstances, of course)
This is so true! You are in the friendship and feel like you are being the strong one and pulling all the weight. One of my first hubs was about loyalty and how far we should go with it. I think you are right, those who are depending on you only when it is convenient don't even know they are doing it. I did hang onto a friendship for years, and now I am glad I did. It is so difficult to make that decision. You made some great points. A Great Hub! Votes and Shared! :-)
Thanks Cyn! I agree. Frenemies think they're out friends, when really they're not.
NPR did an article on this and called friends who are also your enemies: frenemies. Frenemies make me crazy. Best to try to rid those people in your life because life is too short. :) Voted up and socially SHARED.
Hi KDF,
Thank you! Yeah, I finally got one of those "Toxiciciy Filters". That's how I began seeing how some "friends" were not friends. ; ) Glad you could appreciate my weird insight. ; )
I always carry around my toxic filter! Sometimes it needs emptying. Great hub! Interesting points and statements. Thanks
Hi Jeannie
Yeah, it seems that we've all been involved in those toxic frienships, at one time or an other. And it does feel as if a huge weight has been lifted off of our shoulders. Like we can breathe again. Yes, it was obviously toxic, and now we're purging ourselves of the toxicity. It's really freeing. Thanks for your comment, and for the vote! : ) (Like the Mean Girls eh? )
I know exactly the type of friend you are talking about. I have been friends with people like that in the past. It is a shame when a friendship ends, but if it feels like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders when its over, it was obviously toxic anyway.
Interesting hub and voted up!
P.S. Love the Mean Girls photo!
Yeah, but I hate those who are aware of a prob, and somehow think that since there's aware of it, and admit to it, out loud, then that's all that has to be done. Actions speak louder than words in the end. : )
well, I suppose that being aware of it is the first step towards not being it :-)
I always worry about that myself PDXKaraokeguy. Thanks for reading & commenting
interesting hub, alberts. I think everyone has had a toxic friend a time or two... but hopefully we haven't all been one!
Thanks Tammy! I just seek out the more realistic beings. Not the angry, pissed at the world type type, or the "oh woe is me, poor me" type, but, also definitely not the delusionally, constantly chipper type either. Just be genuine. And sometimes it's okay for us to feel sorry for ourselves, but then know when to move past it, & get on with your life, if you know what I mean. : )
Great hub. I try not to have negative people in my inner circle. Toxic friends will eat at you like a slow cancer. Great hub!
It can be at times. Because they've deluded us in to believing that they're really wonderful then we sufddenly realize that they're nothing but talk! So we still care about the them they've lead(or mislead) us to believe they are, & that's what can make it so hard to walk away from. We have to remember that they were never who they said they were. It does suck. And the real sick part is that THEY believe it. They truely think they're wonderful. Boy do they suck. Thank you pstraubie48, for your input. : )
Toxic friends are 'once' friends who are no longer friends. They suck the life out of you ...and whatever else they can get...
It is sad really. And it is especially difficult when the friend is someone that we cared about so much. And they turn the relationship upside down and inside out. And it is so difficult to end it...really.
Hey Sooner28, I think the very same applies to family as well. I'm not one of those "blood is thicker than water" types, because people are people no matter what. And just because they're family doesn't mean we're "required" accept them, if, in the end, they're bringing us down in the relationship. It can be, however dificult when it comes to family. Esp if it's close family. Because you love someone doesn't mean you have to like them We don't even "have to" love them, if we're just not feeing it. I totally get the point. We've all got those family members.
What about toxic family members that you are sort of friends with? This could apply there also. There is that situation with a specific member of my family, and this individual is basically a habitual liar, but then claims he/she is a great person. He/she is also quick to throw you under the bus if he/she thinks it will benefit him/her. Wow that's awkward, but I think you get the point.
Very true Alecia. That's what we need to realize, that if they become toxic in some way, then it's okay to let the friendship go. Thanks again!
Thanks!
I agree that some people aren't always meant to be in your life forever and that's okay. It's a part of maturing. Then there are others who are there no matter what. The part we have to play is in actually figuring who is really about what. Great job once again Jacy.
Toxic friends are lethal to one's health. Move forward and don't look back. We live and learn. Great hub!
albertsj Hub Author 2 months ago
That's it Marcy, it can indeed sneak up on us. Thanks for reading, and voting!