Growing Up With One Eye
59
The Impact It Can Have
I was born with cataracts, and glaucoma in my right eye. Back in the 60's. After the Dr's performed a series of operations, trying to save the eye, it was ultimately determined that my right optic nerve was too clolse to my brain, and at 6 months of age, it was removed. I've worn a prosthetic eye since. I recall none of this, as I was a baby. They don't even think I ever had vision in the real eye, that had been there. For me, personally, it was no big deal. It was all I knew, I never felt anything, and because I don't know what it's like, to see with two eyes, I don't miss anything.
I never felt different from anyone until around kindergarden, or 1st grade. I'd get these strange stares, not only from my peers,but also from adults! Often people, would see me, sometimes, leer at me, assumed that I was blind, or , mentally challenged, and that I couldn't see them. So even if I'd make eye contact with them, head on, they'd seem to leer, that much harder. I became so bothered by this, that as a child, I could never look anyone in the eye.
There was, also, the name calling, and wispering began. "Cross Eyed", "Retard" I'd hear, at times mutliple times per day. I was easily intimidated, and, taken advantadge of, desperately wanted to please, and never felt accepted like everyone else seem to be. You could say I had an "ugly duckling" syndrome. Oh, sure, I always had friends, who would come to my defense, were sensative to it, and how it affected me, but I eventually hid from the whole thing. I hated it. I'd suddenly tell others, who would nicely ask: "What's wrong with your eye?"; "Nothing" I would reply. I asked my brother, and parents not to say anything to others who might ask them. (I think made this decision, when I was about 11, or so) I began to resent having one eye, how I felt, I looked, and how people reacted to it. I hated it so much, that I ran from it. There were many days, where I would come home from school, and complain to my parents, about the leers, and the wispers, I would get all day, and because they couldn't deal with the pain, and didn't know how to react, they would, simply, tell me that I was paranoid. I grew to absolutely detest, even the word; "paranoid" and still do to this day. It has taken me years to get over this. Even now, it still, at times, haunts me. Not the having one eye part, but how I've never felt good about myself. How I'm often doubting others acceptance of me. (Having written the past few sentences, I realize that maybe I'll never be fully over it?) Even as an adult, I get ignorant reactions. I could mention it in passing, or kid around about it, and they'll immediately say; (After they've stared a bit, out of silent, curiousity) "Oh, you can't even notice it..." Really?? Then what were you staring at, or what made you ask me; "what's wrong with my eyes???". I finally realized that although it's a part of me, it's not what defines me. I can't escape it, I can only change my reaction to it, or to how people react to it. Still, I don't find it easy to be around many kids, because I get the stares all over again. Both Adults, and some children, seem to think that staring is okay, as long as they don't say anything. It's not. It's a highly uncomfortable feeling to those of us being stared at. We Can See you! I'll sometimes say; "Can I help you?"... I don't usually get a response. I've finally gotten to the point where I just accept myself the way I am, and am very candid, and up front with people about, really anything. And, no, I don't take it out when I sleep.
It may have taken me over 45 years to realize this, but it's so much easier to allow myself to just be me, and not try and hide from the world, and myself. And not everyone has to like me, and that's fine. I don't like everyone I come across either. I'm happy for my experiences, for they have given me wisdom, and insight, that I now, couldn't survive with out.
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Laurathegentleman; Thank you so much. I believe also that most parents SHOULD teach their kids that making fun of someone, or even staring, can be incredibly rude at any age. Thank you again, for reading and commenting. Now I'm going to check some of your hubs as well. : )
This is such a beautifully written Hub. Children can be cruel - and yet, it is human nature to be curious about things that make us different.
I do believe it is crucial that parents teach their children not to be critical or make judgments based off of what makes someone different from them. My mother always told me "never criticize someone for what they cannot change."
What an inspirational story - I can't wait to read more from you!
Moonlake, Yes, it's true, they can be cruel. Losing vision in one eyes, having had it before is vastly worse than I had it. I never list vision. I just had to deal with the emotional part of everyone elses reaction. They painted your grandfather's eye in the photo?? You mean he didn't wear a prosthesis? That's strange. Remember just because we look a certain way, we're still the same person. : ) But I get what you're saying. My dad who had a full beard & mustache, my whole life, once, when I was young threatened to shave it off, and although he said it in jest, because I was so young, I fresked out, thinking he'd be a different daddy. Funny when I think about it now. : D
Thank you Eddy! I'm so glad you found it inspiring. I'm going to check out yours as well.
What a geat hub ;an inspiration to so many and I look forward to so many more by you..
Take care and enjoy your day.
Eddy.
Kids and adults can do some awful things and it stays with you all your life. So sorry you had to go through that as a child and even now as an adult.
My grandfather had one eye, we have a photo of him where they painted his eye in, look good but didn't look like the man we all loved.
I am now reading this with one eye closed. I'm losing the sight in one of my eyes and other one will soon follow I'm sure.
Great Hub.
Lol. Cyndi; you're funny. Thanks!
Oh, I forgot! Voted up and SHARING!
Oh, thank you grinnin1! Yes, it it a big release putting it out there. I no longer thinl that I'm being judged on my looks. And if so, then they're not worth my time. Thanks again, and I look forward to checking out your stuff too. I will also follow you. : )
What a wonderful hub and powerful message. Since I've hit my 40's I've felt some of the same release of "people pleasing"; there is a freedom in putting yourself out there and saying. "This is who I am, like it or leave it!!!" You're a great writer- keep it up, I will look for more and am a follower!
Jacy, I couldn't agree more; going through tough times and coming out the other end tends to foster empathy for others; I know it has for me. Sure part of my life has been hard, but I learned from it, grew because of it, and am so much happier now because of it. I thank you for the kind words and I'm proud to be your mentor and friend.
Aww. Billy, you are such a sensative sole who's obviously got depth. Funny how we can go through life and things, and people can say things like: "wow, you've been through so much..." and yet we just feel normal throughout. I forget which one of my commenters said it, but he said: "The funny thing about a lot of disability is that it's something you don't normally notice until other people's reactions force you to notice it. " and that's exactly how it was for me. So, yeah, I suppose compared to most, I may have been through a lot, but I guess I just have this attitude, because I spent many yeays, miserable, feeling sorry for myself, victimizing myself, making excuses, for everything, and I was miserable. Now I sctually see things as learning tools. I like learning & want to learn & grow, and funny how I don't feel like I've been through a lot. Am I delusional? Maybe, but maybe it's helped me survuve? I don't know. But one thing I do know is this: Since having started this whole hubpages thing; I have come across a few really good, understanding people. And you, actually were prob the first. I also think you've been through a lot in your own way. Maybe by going through these things we become more sensative to others? Anyway, you are a good man. And I'm happy to have you as my hub pal, and as my...writing mentor... ; ) May no one be sitting on "your" bench today... ; )
Beautiful my dear; I like you more each day and this hub just adds to that respect. You have been through a lot and still you have that infectious attitude. I appreciate you greatly!
Very good, and insightful point Aurelio!
Thanks for sharing your challenges with us. The funny thing about a lot of disability is that it's something you don't normally notice until other people's reactions force you to notice it. Voting this Up and Interesting.
Hey PDXKariole Guy,
Hey if you can learn to be more mindful, of it that's good. It is only human nature because you have been allowed to. In my world it is anything but human nature. It's something I have never done to anyone, nor have my friends, as far as I know. Remember, those who you may "stare" at, just because they aren't saying anything to you about it, doesn't mean they can't see you, even if out of the corners of their eyes. People can even sense when they're being stared at, even when their backs are turned. It's a weid thing, but fact. WE CAN SEE YOU. I'm glad that my hub has made you think in that sense. : ) Thanks for commenting! : )
great hub. i admit, that i am guilty of staring, but it's also human nature. If you see someone or something that looks different, you look and sometimes stare. I don't feel good about it and after reading your hub I will certainly be more sensitive about it. Thanks for sharing. Much appreciated!
Thank you Jackie Lynnley. Oh, I realize the cathartic writing has. Anyone in my life has never had a prob with it. Most don't. When others know, you, it's the inside that they know & love. Of course for those more simple minded, superficial beings I suppose it matters....that's why I choose not to have pple like that in my life. It's not healthy. Kinda' cool that both your Dad, as well as your best friend had one eye. I suppose together, they had two... ; ) Thank you for sharing your story. : )
My Dad had an eye put out and I only ever knew him with one eye and my best friend for many years had only one eye. I don't remember they either had any problems with anyone about it but I guess you have to be the one in the situation to really know. It sure never made me look twice, I just accepted them as they were and loved them both of course. Writing will make things much better whatever bothers you I do know that. Welcome and I look forward to reading your hubs.
Wow, thank you fpher48! I guess we get through things like this...because...well... what's the other choice? : )
Bless your heart for being so sensible and all-together...that is a credit to your inner strength and loving nature. We just never know all the issues that so many people have dealt with while growing up, that can ultimately form large "pieces" of our total being. Thanks so much for sharing this. I am grateful for this inspiration. Up++
Thank you Ardie! But, I'm really not that strong, or at least I hadn't been for years, it took me many years to become strong. And I wonder if I'll really ever overcome it completely. Writing, at least for me, can be cathartic, brings back old feelings...and not always good, so it was easy, in the sense, I was (am) exposing myself, all while hiding behind a computer...yet, dificult simply because it brought some anger, of course.
And sure, steel my word/phrase, I've got lots that I just make up...'cause they sound good, and seem to work. : ) Thanks Ardie, again for your kind words. : )
Thank you for sharing your story - Im sure it wasnt easy to open up. OR maybe it was easy because now you are a strong, confident, double beautiful (I stole your word from the other comment haha) woman! Your strength and your ability to overcome all this and be happy is truly admirable.
Yes! Yes! cclitgirl I get that too! I'll be chatting face to face with someone new, & they will look behind them! Or they just wont know where to look. Really annoying isn't it? I don't let it get me down either, rarely give it a thought...I guess we can't. But it sure as hell doesn't go with it's emotional trauma. Thank you for sharing Cclitgirl. : )
Since I only see out of one eye, too, and it's the first thing people see, I'm self-conscious, too. I can relate to your story oh so well. Though I didn't get a prosthetic eye, my right eye never follows with the left. I've even been told that my left eye formed the same way as my right and I could go blind any time. But you know what? I've tried my hardest not to let it define me. I've tried to make sure that I "see" as much as I can, just in case it happens (that I go blind). I try to eat plenty of carrots and pumpkins, but one can never know. People always think I'm looking at the "wall" behind them or something, and I think it's a constant reminder, but then I think, I'm sure I have more insights, more character and more to say than the person asking me, "what happened to your eye?" Hold your head high, dearie. Life is too short to give idiots the time of day - there's so much else to care about and not enough time! ;)
Aw, thanks Tammy!! Keep in mind that you, too have been through a lot, in your own ways. I honestly wish we lived closer. You are so sensative, double beautiful (that means both inside & out) & also intelligent. Okay maybe I coulda' made this shorter had I said: "Right back at ya" Thank you. : )
Thanks Lin. I hope so too. : )
Jacy,
You have been through so much. Kids are mean and cruel. You are such a strong survior to go through so much alone and turned out beautiful, vibrant, and intelligent. We would have been buds. We are so much more than our appearances. You did a fabulous job here.
Hi Jacy, People could be so rude and mean! It's possibly not intentional, but if they just place themselves in ones shoes instead of judging one on their appearance it would make this world a nice place. I hope by you sharing your story someone reading it will think twice before they leer at someone who is unique. Thank you for sharing your journey.
Thank you Sooner28. For me, it wasn't anything like your grandma, it's also more comfortable for me to have the eye in. Always. But keep in mind, this happened to me when I was a baby, so as I said it my hub: It's all I know. When asked what it's like to have only one eye, I can only answer with a question of: "What's it like having two?". I've got nothing to compare it to, so I don't miss anything. I'm sorry that your grandma lost her eye to cancer. How old was she, I wonder. I'm never self comscious now. I don't even think about it. Thanks for your comment , your sensatively, & for sharing your story.
Thank you, as always Alecia. My vision is fine though. That's actually the big misconception. I never had a problem with my vision, in fact I'm the one usually reading menu's, price tags, etc for friends when out with them. My whole problem was how others thought I looked. I do, however, of course have periferal vision problems. It's very easy to say that it's their problem, but as a kid, it's not so easy to feel it. And it stays with you. Thanks for your insightful, & caring comment! : )
I'm really glad you posted this hub. I'm very upset that you were ever made fun of, but some people are just not cognitively developed enough to understand what it's like to be different :).
My grandma lost her eye to cancer. And she had to wear a fake eye, and she had a patch for when she was just lounging around the house. It always made her feel extremely self-conscious. You're a brave soul for coming out so openly about your experiences. Voted up!
This is really awesome of you to share Jacy. I know people with similar issues with vision. It's a lifelong process of adjusting to the cruelty and torment of people's misplaced judgments and insecurities. But that's their problem, not yours. We all have something in life we have to overcome and the issues is not how we do it but if we do it. Great hub!
Thank you Hschneider! I know many have lived through something. Parents don't seem to understand the emotional trauma or the impact these things can have on us.
I can certainly imagine kids making fun of a stutter. Thank you for your kind words! : ) You're a good man.
Very inspirational story, Albertsj. Fellow children can often be cruel when they do not understand something. I had a fairly bad stutter as a child, it is still there but much improved, and other children enjoyed poking fun. I believe that when one can find their way through it and still accomplish things, one comes out stronger. You certainly have. Great for you.
Thank you sooo much Tsmog! Wow, that's pretty amazing that your role model was able to be so good, with just the one eye. I've always had trouble target type sports. I love writing, even for it's cathartic affect. It's a great release. You know? Thank you for sharing your story, and that I'm glad that I was able to touch you in some way with mine. : )
Thank you albertsj. A very powerful story is drawn with your message. One of my role models some years back was a skeet shooter, who had one eye. He is a Marine Veteran who ran the skeet range on Camp Pendleton. He taught me how to shoot skeet in one easy lesson. I watched him bust every target not missing a beat, while I missed everyone. He took me aside like you have with your article saying "confidence"
Welcome to hubpages and are you ready for a great adventure in writing and sharing? We are anxious to learn more soon!
PDXKaraokeGuy Level 8 Commenter 2 months ago
you're welcome alberts. thanks so much for sharing!