Online Dating, and My Top Pet Peeves

I am a single, heterosexual female, who began looking for love, on the internet, about 2 years ago. One of the first things I learned, was that, when first joining a website you get a lot of attention, from guys (or gals) of all ages, and from as far as 3000 miles away. (Okay, really dude?? You, who's 27 years old, are going to travel from Texas to NY just for a date with someone you haven't even met yet, who's old enough to be your mother??) I also learned that, it doesn't matter what you have written in your profile, because few, even take the time to read them. Every one looks at the pictures and that's often it. If your not looking for anything serious, or are just looking to sleep around, then that's fine. Of course, for those of us who are looking for more serious, and not just empty sex, then it can be...eye opening, to say the least. Maybe I'm in the minority, but, I need to feel both physically, and emotionally attracted to someone. Not just one. And that brings me to pictures: Often times (too often) people post pictures from 10 years, or 10 pounds ago. Why would someone do that, when they're only setting themselves up for rejection. Or when you speak to them on the phone they will tell you that, they look much better in person. Then when you meet them, you find that it's the exact opposit. What ever someone writes (or doesn't write) in their profile tells us a little about their overall personality. So, like everyone else, I look at the pictures first, but then, if I find them appealing, then, what the person has to say in their profile can either make or break it. Also, on these sites are ways to just "flirt" with or "wink" at someone, if your too lazy to write an e-mail. To me it's real lame, and I never respond, and even say in my profile, in bold that I won't respond to winks/flirts. And I still constantly get them. Here's my proof, that few take the time to actually read what's there. My response to them is simply: "so, what was it exactly, about my profile, that you liked, that made you wink/flirt, when you read it?" Rarely, if ever do I get a response....

I've also found, for the few who do read, some don't like the profile. Fine, then just move on to the next. On occasion, I'll get a guy who writes to me just to tell me what's wrong with my profile. What on earth makes anyone feel so entitled to do that? My response to them is: " so the point to your e-mail is??" Again; rarely, if ever, do I get a response....

There are also quite a few who want nothing more than a virtual romance. Either an endless amount of e-mails, and, or, phone calls. Only to find, you'll never actually meet them.

I've also noticed that we may communicate with a few people at a time. This is just in case one doesn't work out, or we don't hit it off on the date, or the "maybe there's someone better" attitude. If you have the "maybe there's someone better" attitude, then it's likely, that your looking for perfection, will never be satisfied, and probably wont find anyone other than a "temporary" relationship. A disposable partner.

Also sometimes, things seem a lot prettier on paper. You either connect really great, on paper, and then when you meet, you find he/she is nothing like you'd imagined. Or, (and this is a biggie) that they look nothing like their pictures. (So many are guilty of that.) Why would someone put pictures from 10 years, or 10 pounds ago? They're only setting themselves for rejection.

Having found all of this, I have put a bunch of "rules" in my profile, to ward off these jerks...the ones who actually read my profile, that is. Like "no one younger than 45, not looking to be a " Mrs. Robinson", "must be with in a 10 mile radius", and so on.

In the end I really laugh at it all, and do have fun with it. I have met some really great guys, who I just haven't felt chemistry with. I had a few mini relationships, again with great guys. Made a few great friends (not with benefits) who I often get together with, and I still hope, and search for "the one". I've gotten past my looking for "perfect", and learned the meaning of compromise.

For anyone who is just starting to internet date, just be prepared. Don't assume that you'll find someone right away, have fun with it, but be safe. You'll actually learn much about yourself, what you want, and what you don't want, and what you are willing to compromise on. Also many think that they want serious, when first starting, but in truth, they really don't, or aren't ready for it. Many of us are unsure of what we want. That's where the learning comes in.

I suppose that, we all have to "serial date" to find "the one".

And the search continues....

Next..... ; )

...And my top internet dating pet peeves:

1) Guys who put pictures from 10 years or pounds ago, who end up looking nothing like their pictures in person. (Why would they do this?? They're only setting themselves up for rejection

2) Guys who have things like "no drama" in their profiles. This translates to emotionally unavailable. Drama, is a part of life. Both good and bad. I, personally like my drama, thank you. Both good and bad. It gives me both, wisdom, and greater insight.

3) Guys who say they lead; "stress free" lives. Okay, really dude? Not possible, Also translates to emotionally unavailable.

4 Guys who talk only about their interests. Personally I'm not interested. I'm more interested in the person they are, rather than their interests. Because once you finish doing the "stuff", then what? Sure, talk about them, but also talk about who you are inside....if you have an inside...

4) Guys who begin their profiles with things like; "I'm a great guy.." "handsome".... Woa...I'll be the one to determine that.

5) In the profiles they have "body type" so many that don't qualify have "athletic & toned". Just because you belong to a gym, doesn't mean you qualify for that. Even if you work hard. If we meet, and your all paunchy, and then tell me that you haven't worked out in 6 months then you don't qualify! Last week I very briefly started communicating with this guy, who had "athletic and toned", for his body type, yet his profile also had his exercise habits, at 1-2 times per week, so in his picture he did look like he could be, but I called him on it. His response was that he was "gifted" and didn't need to workout. Okay, now there's an ignorant statement. I workout to be healthy. It's necessary for both emotional as well as physical health. Oh, this one I could go one about, but I think you get my jist...

I'm sure I'll come up with more but I'll leave it at this for now. And please note;From what I've heard, women are just as guilty of all of these.

Hope I haven't scared you...

Happy Dating! : )